Just fell off a train. Bad.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Randomize
