You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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