You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
