that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
