apparently the secret to your success is patron
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
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