it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
