I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
So I just went to clothing optional bar
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
