I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
