You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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