you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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