Kareoke will never be a sober sport
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
how drunk are you?
Several
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
