i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Randomize
