everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
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