Christians are straight up FREAKS
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
