Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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