at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Randomize
