On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
