This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
