Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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