Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
