Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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