Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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