So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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