The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
