So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
