just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
