hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
