i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
He kissed a someone with a penis
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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