At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
