I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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