we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
