Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
