i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
