the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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