I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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