He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Randomize
