I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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