I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
