omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
