we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Do you still have your period?
where am i from again
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
It's blow job season.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
