What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
