Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I need to sanitize my soul.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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