Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
