Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Randomize
