I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
