i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
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