The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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