it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I want to fling myself into the sun
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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