I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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