My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize
