he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
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