I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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