Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Green mimosas i think yes
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
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