Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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