Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
