I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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