I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
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