dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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