I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
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