The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
